Carticica de statusuri

Am multi oameni in lista de messenger care mi’ au spus fie : “Ai niste statusuri mortale. De unde le mai scoti ?! ” , fie ” Primul lucru pe care’l fac cand intru pe mess e sa’ti vad statusul” , fie ” Statusul tau e prea bestial. Pot sa dau un copy/paste? ” s.a.m.d. Nu exista zi sa nu am status la mess, sau sa nu’l schimb din ora in ora. N’am stat niciodata cu un singur status o zi intreaga, sau mai rau, fara status ) Iar daca s’a intamplat sa nu am status e din cauza ca mi’o picat netu, sau eram in cea mai depressing mood 8-|

Asadar si prin urmare, am zis sa nu fiu asa egoista si sa “sharez” niste statusuri .

I. Categoria ” Interzis sub 16 cm. 18 ani ” sau

1. There is: Hot-Sex, Fast-Sex, Safe-Sex, Group-Sex, Leather-Sex, Telephone-Sex, Cyber-Sex, and for people with your face: “No-Sex”!

2. What is de maximum speed during sex? …. 68, because at 69 you go overturn!

3. Text messaging is like a blow-job off an amateur prostitute; short…sweet and always cheap!

4. Are these your eyes? I found them between my brests!

5. Are mice giving you trouble? No? Than you must have a good pussy!

6. Never dance naked because the body has parts that do not stop moving when the music stops.

7. How does a vagina look before sex? Like a lovely pink rose! And after sex? Ever seen a Bulldog eating Mayonaise??

8. When I was born I got the choice, or a major dick, or a fine memory. I am not able to remember what I did choose.

9. A guy walks up to a girl and says: Wanna play *Magic*? She says: What’s that? …..He says: We go to my place, have sex and than you dissappear…..

10. What you never want to hear while having good sex?? …………. “Honey, I am home!”

11. If you cry, I cry…if you laugh, I laugh…if you are happy, I am too…if you are sad, I am too…and if you are horny, call me.

12.Message from your provider: Your dildo is disturbing our network. Turn it off or continue manually. Thanks for your cooperation.

13.I do not have the muscles of Stallone, I am not as handsome as Brad Pitt, I am not as strong as Schwarzenegger, but I can lick as good as Lassie!

14. By opening this message you activated the dildo of your girlfriend. She thanks you moaning…You have now become unnecessary.

15. Sex is a sensation caused by temptation,when a man puts his location in a woman’s destination,do U understand the explination or would U like a demonstration ?

16. I’m an asshole ! Do you want to come in ?

17. Add some variety to your sex life … Use the other hand !

18. I admire lesbian women. They leave more men for me !

19. Sex is my fav. do it regularly. Do it & feel good! You’ll enjoy it! I’ll die without sex. S-sleep, E-eat, X-xercise. What you thought?

20. I’m trying to see things from your point of view, but I can’t stick my head that far up my ass !

21. Sex and Jagermeister, there’s nothing in this world to make me feel nicer.

22. Sometimes you don’t mind when this is said : When the INTERIOR DECORATOR say: ” Once it’s in, you’ll love it. “

Sometimes you don’t mind when this is said : When the MILKMAN says: ” Do you want it in the front or the back ? “

Sometimes you don’t mind when this is said: When the DOT TELEPHONE GUY says: ” Would you like it On the table or against the wall? “

23.
Man: “I’d really like to get into your pants.” … Woman: “No thanks. There’s already one asshole in there.”

Man: “How do you like your eggs in the morning?” … Woman: “Unfertilized!”

Man: “I want to give myself to you.” … Woman: “Sorry, I don’t accept cheap gifts.”

Man: “I’d go through anything for you.” … Woman: “Good! Let’s start with your bank account.”

Man: “I would go to the end of the world for you.” … Woman: “Yes, but would you stay there?”

24. When a man talks dirty to a woman, it’s sexual harrassment … When a woman talks dirty to a man, it’s $3.95 per minute …

25. I only have sex on days beginning with “T” : Tuesday … Thursday … Today … Tomorrow … Thaturday … Thunday …

II. Categoria ” Restu’ care o mai ramas ”

26. I’ve finished my first novel today B-) … It took me a long time to read a book, but there you go …

27. Everyone tells me I have changed, but the truth is I’ve just stopped living my life their way …

28. It’s hard to find a friend who is: 96% talented, 97% funny, 98% loving, 99% intelligent and 100% sweet! So don’t you dare … lose me!

29. Of course i’m talking to myself … Who else can i trust ?

30. I don’t believe in violence, so don’t make me kill you !

31. Don`t worry about the people in your past…There`s a reason why they didn’ t make it to your future…

32. If u can’t handle me at my worst, u sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best!

33. Don’t worry, you’re not stupid … You just don’t know how to use your brain!

34. ….and the only thing that’s missing is a bitch like you!

35. Never argue with an idiot! They bring you down to their level and beat you with experience !

36. As a matter of fact, the whole world DOES revolve around me …

37. I know I’m not perfect, but I’m so close it scares me …

38. I can only please one person a day … Today isn’t your day … Tomorrow doesn’t look good either …

39. I’m a good person with bad intentions.

40. Nu fuma iarba ca s’ar putea sa te sperie clantza

41. Don’t bother me, I’m living happily ever after.

42. I’m not your type. I’m not inflatable.

43. Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.

44. You look like shit. Is that the style now? [ E foarte tare asta, huh ? ]

45. I may not be totally perfect…but some parts of me are excellent!

46. I’m no Wilma Flintstone, but I can make your Bed rock!

47. Positive thought for the day : When you feel that nobody loves you, nobody cares for you, everyone is ignoring you and people are jealous of you … You should really ask yourself : Am I TOO sexy ????????????

48. A friend with weed is a friend indeed !

49. Sorry, I dont date outside my species.

50. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

51. Everyone has the right to be stupid. You are abusing your privileges !!

52. I wouldn’t say you’re stupid. You are, but i wouldn’t say it.

53. Ce zici in timpul actului sexual : i belive in the complete separation of the left leg from the right .

54. Scientists have finally discovered what`s wrong with the male brain : on the left side there is nothing right, on the right side there is nothing left .

55. You are so ugly that the government of the USA moved the Halloween on your birthday !

56. I am not here right now so leave a message and it will be deleted once it was received. [ asta'i status din ala cu DND ]

57. I’m not here right now, so cry me a river, build me a bridge, and GET OVER IT.

58. Party like a rock star … live like a movie star .. fuck like a porn star ..

59. When I say LOL i`m not Laughing Out Loud …. I just have nothing better to say .

60. This is my status … Do you see my status ? If you do, i hope you don`t steal it … `cause if you do , you`ll get a tumor !

61. Curiosity killed the cat but for a while i was the suspect …

62. Sex is like air ..it`s not really that important .. until you`re not gettin` any !

63. I`m so hot I make straight girls turn lesbians !

64. People Who Think They`re Perfect Are Annoying To Those Of Us Who Are !

65.Intuitia este o calitate a femeii care o ajuta sa’si contrazica barbatul inainte ca acesta sa apuce sa deschida gura.

M’am cam plictisit acuma … so …

To Be Continued